Do you want to change things, but feel like you can't? Perhaps you feel stuck or discontent.
If so, this week's Mindful Musings blog and podcast were created for you. In this post and podcast, we'll discuss a topic that I'm currently studying in my Mindfulness Life Coach training: How to get "unstuck" to create space for change and deal with the challenging emotions associated with this experience.
In this blog post, we'll consider how to approach getting "unstuck" in five simple steps and wrap things up with a few quick tips for dealing with the emotions that develop in such situations. For a more in-depth discussion, listen to the next Mindful Musings: Mindful Living Made Simple podcast episode, also available on iTunes, Stitcher and TuneIn, this Thursday the 14th.
To kick things off on the blog, let's start by focusing on the following five steps for "getting unstuck".
Five Steps to Getting Unstuck
1. What change do we want to occur?
Name it to claim it, my friends! Give yourself some time to reflect and open up to yourself honestly. How do you want your current situation to be different? Maybe you want a different job or wish to be less stressed. Maybe you simply want to know what you want! Try to be detailed and to not to judge the answer that surfaces. Simply acknowledge it, write it down, and move to the next step. This acceptance and acknowledgment of your true inner desires will enable you to start moving forward.
2. Why do we feel stuck?
Let's dig deep here. You came to this article with some sense of "feeling stuck" or being unable to control something. Why is that? Tap into your inner intuition and ask yourself: Why do I feel like I can't change _____? Once you start to understand why, write down your thoughts in approximately 1- 5 sentences (or more, if you feel compelled to elaborate) to give yourself some clarity about the situation and have a reference for the future. Be prepared to acknowledge some uncomfortable thoughts, and consider consulting a qualified therapist if this step leads to feelings of complete overwhelm.
3. Changing Assumptions & Expectations
Next, let's think about what dynamics we perceive as hurdles to achieving the desired situation that we described in Step One. Usually, this brings forth thoughts about things that feel outside of our control. If this is the case for you, no need to worry. This is totally normal!
For example, if we wrote, "I want to change careers" in Step One, we might think, "I can't risk losing the healthcare benefits that are attached to my current job" in Step Three. But, have we fully investigated what might happen to those benefits if we quit or take a leave of absence? What if we enrolled in a private insurance plan?
Our gut reaction is to assume the worst case scenario. We assume that, of course, we will completely lose our insurance benefits if we quit, or of course we couldn't possibly afford a private insurance plan. And this type of thinking is natural! We are built to perceive possible threats as an evolutionary means of self-protection. But before you throw your hands up in the air, WAIT--our gut reaction isn't always right.
Give it a try and do the research. You might be surprised! Maybe your employer offers the option to keep your benefits package when you leave your job at an affordable price. Or maybe, you can maintain those healthcare benefits at no extra cost while you take a leave of absence to make arrangements for a new job with even better healthcare benefits.
The key thing to understand here is: we never truly know until we ask!
To summarize Step Three, what assumptions about your current situation or expectations about the future are preventing you from investigating new opportunities and making changes?
4. Overcoming Resistance
Many times, when we investigate the assumptions or expectations that we carry, we discover resistance to change. It's crucial to understand this resistance so that we can address it productively and reframe our perspective to move forward.
To discover any resistance to change that we may carry, try the following exercise: Sit quietly and re-read the sentences that you wrote in Step Two, which summarize why you feel stuck. Now, notice how the false assumptions that we deconstructed in Step Three make it possible for us to achieve our desired outcome. Next, imagine yourself achieving the desired outcome.
Now, notice your reaction to this thought. Is there a sense of calm and release, or a feeling of tension? If you experience tension, let your mind follow that sensation. Where does it lead you? Perhaps there is resistance to achieving the desired outcome because we're afraid of change. Maybe, we're afraid to manifest our dream, goal or intention because it would make us feel successful, and we don't feel that we deserve that success.
Whatever you discover from this tension, remember that there is nothing wrong with the fact that you have this feeling of resistance. It's natural to try to protect ourselves. In fact, if you are experiencing resistance in some way, we have just established something very important. You are trying to protect yourself and therefore care about yourself! This is awesome! Congratulations for being your own hero and having your own back.
Now that we know that you care deeply about yourself and your wellbeing, it's time to take the resistance that we found and move onto Step Five...
5. Addressing Feelings Associated with Change
Ah, The Stress! We've all felt it. The stress created by feelings of resistance can feel very real and intense. And before we delve in here, let me preface this discussion by suggesting that you visit a therapist if these feelings become too real or too intense. A professional is always the best way to go in situations of overwhelm. There are many kind, well-informed people out there who can be your anchor when you feel astray!
Now, getting started... Before we let feelings of resistance sweep us away, it's important to approach emotions with the sensing mind. To explore this idea, let's back up and review some vocabulary for a minute:
Mindfulness experts categorize the way that the mind operates into two, distinct modes. Firstly, we can operate with the thinking mind. The thinking mind analyzes and interprets our feelings by creating a story to help us understand and explain these feelings. Secondly, we can operate with the sensing mind. The sensing mind simply notices and acknowledges the surrounding environment, thoughts, and stimuli without judgment or analysis.
As I've noticed from my own experience, these two modes exemplify the "two Me's".
First, there is the Me that interprets, creates stories, and judges. This is the Me who finds it challenging to let stress go. It's the Me that feels stressed for hours after a colleague makes a rude comment at work. This Me becomes convinced that the colleague dislikes me, or is even after my job, when this simply is not the case. This is the Thinking Mind Me.
Then, there is the Me who observes from afar. This is the Me who simply notices that I felt offended by the colleague without judgement. This Me also remembers that the colleague recently experienced a death in the family and feels overwhelmed. In other words, the Sensing Mind Me enables empathy to flow more easily. It also stops the web of story weaving created by the Thinking Mind Me, which unnecessarily sets me up for more misery in the future.
I would invite you to approach the latter part of this "getting unstuck" exercise as the Sensing Mind Me. (Don't worry about being perfect! Even the greatest experts who have decades of experience practicing mindfulness slip into the Thinking Mind Me.)
The goal isn't to completely banish the web of story weaving mentioned above. It's to simply notice when the story weaving starts, so that we can put a stop to it before it creates unnecessary future misery. Through a regular practice, the ability to operate in the Sensing Mind Me can become more natural.
For more on getting unstuck, head on over to the free Mindful Musings: Mindful Living Made Simple podcast also available on iTunes, Stitcher and TuneIn this Thursday! I'll share my experience with getting unstuck and discuss what I'm learning about with regard to dealing with emotions and resistance to change.
In the meantime, don't forget to subscribe to the blog here. We'll see you this Thursday!
Happy Mindful Manifesting,
Elicia Kristine xx