Self Care Isn't What You Think It Is

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Think you know what self care is? You might want to think again.

(If you prefer listening to podcasts over reading blog posts, you can listen to our recent podcast episode, Self Care Isn't What You Think It Is, by clicking HERE or by searching Mindful Musings: Mindful Living Made Simple on your favorite podcast platform. Google Play coming soon. You can also listen to it HERE.)

First, let's kick things off by considering the term maitri.

This word has buddhist origins and describes the notion of kindness to oneself. While the general intent behind the terms maitri and self-care is to take care of the body, mind, and spirit, maitri goes a bit deeper and is less materialistic than society's current conceptualization of self-care.

Most of you are very familiar with the term self-care, which usually evokes images of a thin model taking a bubble bath and sipping a warm drink with a magazine in a terry-cloth lounge robe. And while bubble baths and lounge robes certainly aren't evil, I’d invite you to consider whether we could be less vigilant and materialistic when practicing self-care. Why? Let's take a closer look at maitri.

Maitri proposes that it’s harmful to attempt self-improvement or to care for ourselves in an aggressive way. In other words, when we start obsessing over shedding weight, getting clearer skin, or other perfectionist initiatives, we’re actually harming ourselves. Maitri states that, rather than trying to force our bodies and minds into a certain state, we should start making friends with our messiness. Start making friends with the uncontrollably frizzy hair, the pimples, and the belly bloat. And that through doing this, we are actually practicing self care in its highest form.

So, why is our society's current understanding so far out of line with maitri?

Well, the way that we think of self-care today is largely dictated by what we see in the media. We wake up daily to pictures of people on Instagram wrapped in fuzzy things and cleansing with an all-liquid diet of exotic and organic mushroom tea. And we think that this is self-care because these photos are inevitably tagged and captioned with the hashtag #selfcare.

While it’s not bad to wear fuzzy things and drink special teas, I would invite you to develop a filter to determine when self-care is being defined by capitalism and when self-care really is self-care, or closer to this idea of maitri.

You can get your free Real Self-Care booklet by clicking here.

Capitalism monetizes at every possible opportunity, and the self-care industry is no exception. So, let’s try to ensure that marketing doesn’t dictate our idea of what self care really is!

Again, that’s not to say that bath bombs, essential oils, or fuzzy slippers are a bad thing… I use them all the time and love them. They’re great tools for relaxation! Now, however, I try to be mindful of the information I consume around self-care and how I put that into practice.

Now that we’ve defined maitri and considered society's current understanding of self-care, let’s move on to why it’s important to practice self care or maitri and how we can do that in a more meaningful and efficient way.

So, why is important to practice self-care?

Well, in today’s world, we’re conditioned to always be on. Our brains are always operating in overdrive, without any real chance for a break. Logically, then, it’s vital to slow down, take that bubble bath, and meditate. The mind needs a break!

Why does the mind need a break? Well, the mind is actually a muscle. And as a muscle, it needs to rest just like any other muscle in the body. It’s critical to slow down so that our brain can recover and repair damage sustained during the day. In a nutshell, when we practice self-care, we recharge our batteries after the constant multi-tasking that we regularly engage in. This boosts our psychological resilience, physical health, attention and performance in daily activities.

So, how do we rest in the most efficient and meaningful way possible?

Today, when we practice self-care, we often forget to rest! We prepare a fancy candle-lit bubble bath with rose petals and a mug of steaming tea, get in the bathtub, and sit down… And yet still feel stressed after a 20-minute soak! Why? Well, the mind is still operating in overdrive and not really resting. It’s still thinking about that dispute that we had last week, worrying about that big event tomorrow, or wishing that we could change something now.

The logical question is, how do I rest my mind so that I can really recharge during a self-care session?

Recently, I stumbled across the wonderful Dr. Jamie Gruman, an internationally-acclaimed speaker and Applied Social Psychologist who authored Boost: The Science of Recharging Yourself in an Age of Unrelenting Demands.

In his recent TedTalk, Dr. Gruman proposed that downtime on its own is not actually enough to replenish our energy and mental resources. He proposes that instead of downtime, we actually need something called uptime.

So, what is uptime? To quote Dr. Gruman, “Uptime satisfies the factors that lead to replenishment and produce recovery”. How do we put uptime into practice? Well, Dr. Gruman uses the acronym “REnu” to explain this, which stands for: Rebuild, Nourish, and Unhook. He proposes that if we can rebuild, nourish, and unhook ourself during our self-care practice, we can effectively recharge our batteries and recover.

Dr. Gruman teaches that in order to rebuild our strength, nourish ourselves, and unhook ourselves from the activities that we regularly engage in, we need to make a conscious effort to not use the same skills during our self care time that we use in our daily life.

So for example, if you’re an Executive Assistant who organizes files daily, Dr. Gruman's theory proposes that it's probably best to avoid Marie Kondo’s book on The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up during your self-care time. Or if you’re a student, he would suggest that it’s best to avoid absorbing a ton of complex new information during your self-care practice. Basically, the best way to recharge is to put skills that we don't often use into practice during our self-care time. This enables the parts of our brain that we use most regularly to rest.

And while that may mean that you take a bubble bath or meditate with essential oils during your self-care practice, it also means that you don’t necessarily have to engage in these activities that we typically associate with self-care. For you, self-care may take the form of walking with your pet outside, spending time at the local market, or getting an old camera out of the attic to play around with photography.

Whatever activity you choose, the point is to enjoy it and to engage in something different. It doesn’t have to be anything special, and you definitely don’t have to look like an Instagram model’s picture-perfect image of self care.

So I would end this post today by encouraging you to make a list of three to five activities that you can engage in for a fully efficient and nourishing self-care experience. If you need a few ideas, I’ve created a free and really beautiful little booklet called the Real Self Care Booklet, which includes a list of 51 real self care activities that can help you recover and recharge on a regular basis!

You can get your free Real Self-Care booklet by clicking here.

In the meantime, let us know what your favorite self-care activity is in the comments below!

Happy Mindful Manifesting,

Elicia Kristine xx